Lack of Worship

and lack of prayer, fellowship, and participation accelerates the corrosion.

Blessings

tim

In Memory of Kathy Westendorf

Kathy was a wonderful woman.  She and her husband Bill led the RCIA program when I "went through" it.  Their marriage was a wonderful example of how things should be in terms of love and marriage.  Their ministry in the RCIA program was also an inspiration.

I attended her funeral today, and I have to say that this is really the first time I have felt so emotional at the passing of a friend or relative or while at a funeral.  What is interesting is that I am not so emotional about passing, all though that is saddening.  What stirred my soul is that Kathy was a great reflection of the True Light that we are all looking for in Jesus Christ.

I've commented before that studying scripture and bible commentaries will often times "convict your soul" when you discover a nugget of truth that shines a light on a part of our life that is sinful or otherwise needs work.  When I say "convict your soul" I mean the part of you that feels like "oh no! I've been dong that. I really need to do better."

Kathy was the type of person that made you want to be a better person because of the way she lived and how the Father's love really reflected in her words and actions.

Kathy passed as a result of a long fight with cancer. Fortunately here family were with her. She was a loving person who was everyone's best friend.  Even through her struggle with the terminal illness, she continued to love.  The circumstances of her struggle also helped those who loved her to love each other more and as well as to learn more about what love is.  A testament to what I think is wrong about the "death with dignity" movement.

Kathy, you will be missed. I pray that the Father welcomes you into his presence and Jesus is there to hold your hand until you are united with Bill.  Kathy, please pray for me so that I may be a better husband, father, and friend

Tim

Loving the Father

Posted during a break taken while doing some work at a local coffee place.

How do we love the Father?  For the longest time I didn't feel love for the Father or Jesus.  Why, because the feelings I had for them did not feel like what I felt for my wife and kids or my parents.

I'd sit in my bible study and here folks talk about how in love with Jesus they are and you could tell from their sincerity that what they were saying was more than words and grandstanding.  They were in love.  I kept wondering to myself, why don't I feel that?  Where is the great burning in my heart for Jesus and the Father?

But I'm coming to realize, that through my spiritual journey and the cosine post from the other day, that we need to put our shields up to the outside world and put down our shields to the grace and peace of the Father and Jesus.

How is this done? At least for me it is continually trying to be "in the Spirit" through spiritual exercises such as prayer, bible study, frequenting the sacraments, Mass, etc.

Blessings

Tim

Flash of Genius update

A while back I posted my thoughts concerning the movie "Flash of Genius".  The son of the main character has left a comment on that post concerning his father.  Definitely worth a read.  It can be found here.

God Bless

Tim

The Post Only a Christian with an Engineering Background Could Enjoy

I am an engineer and scientist by training. I have a B.S. and M.S in Electromagnetics from Michigan Technological University. One of the greatest things about my education is that it has helped me to recognize similar patterns in seemingly different phenomena, activities, situations, etc.

On my faith journey, I have had many ups and downs. In mathematics there is a rhythmic function called cosine that fluctuates between 1 and -1, or up and down. It looks like this.

Not only does this represent the ups and downs during my faith journey, but it also represents how I think I waiver between feeling in the Spirit and feeling pre-occupied with other things. During the week, starting with Sunday Mass, I am Spirit filled. But as the week goes on, the crush of the world causes me to be preoccupied with other things. It is only until next Sunday's Mass that I am filled with the Spirit again.

So what I needed to find was something to keep me "centered" with the Father. One of the things that has helped has been our Parish's Bible Study. Our group is a great, faith filled Small Christian Community. It meets on Wednesday and it helps to refill the Spirit in my soul.

There is still a big difference between the peaks and valley's. The valley's aren't in the "shadow of death". But they could be better. And I had noticed that even though I am feeling more centered, I still let the crush of the world affect my relationships with the ones I love. At confession, a priest suggested I enhance my prayer life. Since then I have tried very hard to have some good quality prayer time in the morning after getting up and before going to bed. This has helped a great deal. So now, the ups and downs are more like this.

The goal of course is to keep smoothing out the peaks and valleys so that we are always in "tune" with the Father. A flat line across the top is where Jesus probably was. The Saints probably had curves that had minimal peaks and valleys.

So what do you think, is it attainable? Only through the Grace of God and discipline and a desire to continuously improve myself. St. Joseph pray for me.

Blessings

Tim

Quality Time From a Quality Husband and Father, #46

Today, I am standing on the shoulders of giants.  Two really good posts from the Catholic Dads Blog.  The first one is from Wednesday of last week, and it points to Fr. Wade Menezes' Ten Commandments of a Husband and Father.  Good stuff.  I couldn't agree more with the Jason's statement that it is a great meditation and couldn't come at a better time than during Lent.  Find the document here at the bottom of Father Meneze's bio page.  Two of the commandments that really touched me were:

1. Get your priorities in order: Jesus first, your wife second, your children third, your work fourth, etc. Develop a weekly schedule, blocking out quality time for the Lord, your wife, each child and the family as a whole. A husband’s most important time during any given day is the first five minutes when he gets home from work and the love and attention he shows his wife and children at that time. Remember that your human fatherhood is rooted in the Divine Fatherhood of Almighty God (cf. Ephesians 3:14-15; cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2214).
2. Spend quality time with each child. Treat each child in a unique and personal way. The power of a father’s affirming love is tremendously overwhelming and something truly wonderful. Children need it. They require it for their full and proper development. Let each child share his or her ideas, feelings, fears and problems with you. Do everything in your power to ensure that your child can always approach you in any matter. Be sure to share periodically with your wife your insights concerning each child. Discipline with firmness and love (again, your model here is that of the wise and prudent king who rules over the inhabitants of his kingdom with a firm, but great love and not of the master who rules over his slaves).

Text in bold with italics is my emphasis.  The second point above struck me and gave me pause.  This is something that I really need to work on.  At the end of the day I am tired and I am usually stressed out about work or something that I need to do from the seemingly never ending task list.  When I get home it seems all I want to do is have dinner, get the kids to bed, and veg out.  How Selfish!  Not only that how am I making them feel if my attitude is such that I'm trying to get rid of them (by wanting to get them to bed) as soon as dinner is over.

Indeed, how selfish.  I really need to change this and take this commandment to heart.  I need to make sure that I spend good quality time with each one of the kids so that I make sure they feel loved by me.  So from this point forward, I am resolving to spend good quality time with each child either before dinner or just after dinner when getting home from work. 

The other post, entitled "All work and no play..." reinforces both of the commandments I listed above.  It talks about quality time with the family.  When I do spend time with my family, it has to be good quality time where I am present, thinking about them and concentrating on them.  Giving them my all.  All to often we come home from work and we are still thinking about a problem that we have to figure out. Because as men, that is what we do, solve problems.  But our family needs us to be ever present in their lives.  They need quality time from us.  When thinking about it, this is a no brainer.  They deserve it.

Taken with our other actions, it only makes sense.  After all, in everything we do, don't we try to give our family quality things?  Quality home, Quality clothes, Quality food, Quality Education, Quality Toys.

Don't they need Quality Time with a Quality Husband and Father?

Set in order of priority:  There is a time for the Father, there is a time for Family, and there is a time for work.

I have been working on spending more time with the Father by increasing how much and the quality of my prayer time.  I now need to spend more Quality Time as a Quality Husband and Father with the family that I love.

St. Joseph Pray for us fathers.

Blessings

Tim

P.S.  I was originally going to call this post #46 because I couldn't think of a title and this is my 46th published post.

How do you describe the indescribable?

How do you describe the indescribable?

A couple of years ago, Emily asked Jen and I what Heaven was?  How do you describe the indescribable to a 3 year old when you can't even imagine how glorious it is?

Emily loved (and actually still loves) going to our neighborhood parks.  When she was really young and first going down the slides we would say "Wheeeeeeee" as she slid down.  The word stuck and she called every park "Wheeeeeee".  She differentiated between the parks by some unique feature.  Like the "Horsey Wheeee" or the "Fishy Wheeee", etc.  Emily loved slides.

So when she asked us about Heaven, Jen was able to explain it right away. She said "Heaven is full of "Wheeees" and slides. All the best "Wheees" you could ever imagine."

How have you described Heaven and other indescribable things to your children?

Blessings

Tim

Sorry for the missed post

Emily's Birthday was on Saturday.  We had a big party with a bunch of her friends at Pump It Up. Here is a picture of the birthday girl with her Tinkerbell cake.

So, after a long string of posts regularly scheduled for Saturday mornings, I slacked off.  Sorry!  I do have some good stuff coming though.

Look for "the post only an Christian engineer could love" this Saturday.

Blessings

Tim

"My soul is sorrowful even to death."

I read this story and "my soul is sorrowful even to death."  It aches.  Granted the baby was born so premature that it may not have survived.  But they didn't even try...

All I can think about...to say...to pray is:  Father I am sorry.  I'm sorry we have lost our way.  I'm sorry that we have so objectified all that you created that the only thing that matters is our own wishes, desires, our own happiness. Why don't we understand that only through conforming our will to Yours will we ever be happy?  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Forgive us.  Forgive me for not doing enough.

Pray that we can all do a little more.

Tim

Can't wait to share!

I had several hang-ups with Christianity before I had my conversion back to the Church a few years ago. One of the more relevant hang-ups had to do with how sterile and one dimensional the stories from the bible seemed to be. As a child we'd talk about the bible stories and what they meant at Sunday school, but at only a really superficial level. As a teenager and then as a young adult, no one bridged the gap between the bible stories of my childhood and the deeper theological meaning. Yes, I am a victim of poor catechesis for young adults. But that is ok. By the grace of God we found a great parish with a pastor that gave good homily. It is also why I think we need to do a better job of teaching our teenagers and young adults.

After my conversion and as I grew in faith, I joined a bible study. We started out with Little Rock Scripture Study and also use William Barclay quite frequently. William Barclay was a Professor of Divinity and Biblical Criticism at the University of Glasgow and author of the Daily Bible Study Series. Which I think is the most popular New Testament Bible Study on the planet. Barclay does a great job of providing historical background and is has summarized several different viewpoints and theological views for you. In essence he has done all the hard work associated with trying to understand the scripture. He boils it down so that the lay person can understand it. While, he isn't Catholic (he misses the point in regards to the Eucharist and the Blessed Virgin), the many view points provided are helpful.

Anyways, bible study and reading commentaries on the bible have helped me bridge the gap between the bible stories for children and the deeper theological meaning buried in scripture.

Case in point, and somewhat significant given that Lent is here, is the foot washing of the disciples. Barclay provided a lot of information on this. For example, foot washing was reserved for slaves or servants of the house. At the very least, the owner, if they didn't have slaves or servants, would wash the feet of their guests upon entry into the house. But here we see our Lord, a Rabbi, our God made flesh, doing the work of a slave or servant. How extraordinary, how are God is humbling himself just to show us how we are to treat each other!

I can't wait to share these types of insights with my children when they are old enough to appreciate it. I pray that this type of catechesis, along with the example that my wife and I provide, is enough to keep them from falling away from the faith like I did.

Blessings

Tim

Ramping up for Lent

His Holiness, Benedeict XVI, has a great message concerning fasting.  His message talks about the utility of fasting and provides a view of fasting going back all the way to the beginning of salvation history.

You can also Fast from something other than your favorite food or a meal for the day.  You can fast from something you enjoy, taking that time to devote to prayer and being with God.

Conundrum.  We are already a couple of days into Lent, and I don't know what to fast from.

Finally, our pastor had a great homily concerning the Holy Father's words concerning prayer, fasting, and charity.  When the podcast is up, I will post a link.  Definitely worth a listen.

Blessings to you all

Tim

Giving Glory to the Father

How do we give Glory to the Father?  For some it is through great works of art or sculpture, music, their vocation to religious life, or through their work.

For those of us not called to a specific vocation where we can express our love of God and give him glory through our talent, what are we to do?

How about through how we raise our children.  Could it be through this humble and most challenging of vocations, that we give Glory to the Father?

Blessings

Tim

he did not say "I am the custom."

Over at The Heart of Things Bill Donaghy talks about St. Toribio Alfonso Mogrovejo. Interesting quote from St. Toribio, which is somewhat applicable to our times:

Christ said, "I am the Truth";
he did not say "I am the custom." 

Blessings

Tim

How about being a better husband, too?

I've talked a lot about being a better father, how about being a better husband?  Better father, better husband, better person.  It's all part of the faith journey.

 I am Husband is a pretty good blog.

Blessings

Tim

Don't Blink

"Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old
and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and
your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads
next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years
goes faster than you think
So don't blink"

-Kenny Chesney, from the song "Don't Blink"

How easy is it to get wrapped up in the world and all of a sudden, our children are all grown up. We are left standing there, scratching our head, wondering:  "Where did my little girl (boy) go?".  Don't Blink.  As the rest of the song continues:  "...best start putting first things first."

Don't Blink.

Blessings

Tim

Pulling on the Father's Arm

Note:  the genesis of this post came from something that happened to me before I started Blogging.

One day I was working on the computer. Well all right, I wasn't actually working. I was on Facebook catching up with what was going on with my friends.  Anybody who is on Facebook knows that it can be addictive. There seems to be a deep seated desire within us to want to be up to date with what is going on in each others lives as well as to let everyone know what you are doing.

It was after dinner and the girls were running around the house playing. My youngest came up to me, started pulling on my arm and said "Daddy, Daddy! Play Monster Chase!"  Monster Chase is a simple game where I basically chase after them with my arms up in the air like Frankenstein and growling like some ferocious monster. Other times I chase after them as "Grandpa Pants Monster" where I hike up my pants over my belly button with my shirt tucked in. After chasing them for some time I will either tackle and tickle them for a while or let them tackle and tickle me. It is great fun.

Anyways, it had been a long day and I was feeling selfish. I did something in retrospect that was very foolish and regret. I brushed them off and said "Not now." I really have no excuse for my behavior. Thinking back, I should have dropped what I was doing and started chasing them around. I do not want to set an example for them that it is ok to "blow off" your children.

Does the Father do that when we are in prayer or carried away in the Spirit so much that we are pulling on his arm to enjoy his presence and love?  Of course not.  A couple examples in Scripture come to mind. The Annointing in Bethany (John 12:1-8) and Mark 10:13-16. Now I realize that the passage Mark has other theological implications, but it also me that even though the Lord was busy trying to save the world, he could still make time for kids.

Since then I have made a concerted effort to make sure that I don't miss out on these opportunities.  But it is tough.  With all of our obligations and work and responsibilities.

I just don't want them to know that every moment with them should be peace and joy.

Blessings to you all.

Tim

Best going away present ever, continued...

As promised in this post, I put Emily's going away present on my laptop for me to have where ever I travel on business.  Here's a pic

 

and yes, I'm at a Starbucks.

Blessings

Tim

Flash of Genius, Justice, and Vindication. What About the Ones We Love?

One of the movies playing on my flight back from Washington, DC was "Flash of Genius".  It was a very good movie that told the story about Dr. Robert Kearns.  Dr. Kearns invented the Intermittent Windshield Wiper that is now on over 145 million vehicles worldwide.  Ford Motor Company, like all the other automakers in the world had been trying to develop the intermittent wiper for years.  In a flash of genius Dr. Kearns, an Electrical Engineering Professor, figured out how to make it work.

In good faith, he provided to Ford a prototype.  Ford requested a prototype because they said they needed it to prove out the longevity and the safety of the device.  A couple months after giving them the prototype Ford got back to Dr. Kearns with the news that they were no longer interested.

Several months later, a redesigned Ford Mustang was unvieled with...Intermittent Wipers.  What ensued was a long drawn legal ordeal that ended up causing Dr. Kearns to have a nervous breakdown, he and his wife to separate, and for him to come very close to totally alienating his children.  All for the sake of wanting Ford to capitulate and admit that they stole his idea.

The movie was good.  And indeed, Dr. Kearns was vindicated.  Ford paid him 10 million dollars, Chrysler paid 18 million. His kids, as they grew older, helped him out with the case.  I am happy that justice was served.

What saddens me is that his marriage was ended by Dr. Kearn's singular desire to prove that he was right.  Justice is important, but at what cost? At the price of his marriage? At the risk of his relationships with his children.

What kind of message does this send to people?  That it is ok to pursue justice even at the expense of ruining the relationships that are so important?  The relationships that are the basis for our society?

I have no bone to pick with Dr. Kearns and his family.  I'm inspired by the werewithall he had to stand up to one of the largest companies on earth.  But, my heart aches for the hurt it caused for those that loved him more than anything else.

I immediately thought about how this applies to me and the important relationships in my life.  On more than one occasion I've ended up hurting people I love for the sake of proving I was right, or proving a point, or insisting on justice. 

Our relationships with our spouses and children are the most important things in our lives after our love of the Father.  Nothing that we do should hurt them or do irrepairable harm to those relationships.

I hope and pray that I can do a better job of keeping this in mind.

Blessings

Tim

Does the Father Beam with Pride?

Does the Father Beam with pride when we do something that is according to his will? How about when we are baptized or after our first Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharist? What about when we are confirmed or have a reconversion that brings us back into his Grace? Does discovering our true vocation give him a warm feeling from the fact that our actions will bring him glory?

Why am I asking this? Because of the pride I feel whenever one of our daughters hits a milestone in their development. It is these milestones, both small and large, which really make parenting a joy. I'm writing this a couple of weeks after our oldest, Emily, that did something that made me extremely proud. Let me explain.

Emily has a couple of jobs to do when she gets up in the morning. They need to be completed before coming down to breakfast or climbing into bed with Mommy and Daddy. These jobs are nothing major:  make her bed and give the cats fresh water. Giving the cats fresh water is an important one because she would like her own kitten and she is trying to prove to us that she can be responsible.

Well, Sunday morning was very cold here in the Pacific Northwest. I heard her get up and give the cats some fresh water and I expected to her to make a beeline for our bed. After about 10 minutes, she was a no show.  Concerned, I got out of bed and walked over to her room. I opened the door to her room, and there she is lying on her 95% made bed, covered with a blanket.  "What are you doing?" I asked.

"It's cold, I'm warming up", she said.

"Why didn't you come into bed with Mommy and Daddy?"

"I didn't finish my jobs."

I was stunned and couldn't have been more proud. My little girl was showing responsibility. She was starting to understand the difference between knowing what she had to do and what she wanted to do.

I scooped her up, gave her a big hug, carried her into our room, and plopped her on our bed so that she could snuggle up with us.  (The only thing she hadn't done was putting her stuffed animals in place. Good enough in Daddy's eyes.)

So does the Father beam with pride when we hit a milestone in our faith journey? When we are baptized, confirmed, have our first reconciliation, and our First Eucharist? What about a conversion? What about when we conform ourselves to His will? How about the little things like this? Is he looking at the both of us with a smile happy that we are doing ok, learning from each other?

Blessings to you all.

Tim

Indifference

Our bible study group is currently studying the Revelation of John.  Last week we read about and discussed the letter to Laodicea.  We are using William Barclay's commentary, and he discusses the issues that Laodicea had with respect to indifference.  When I read that part of the commentary, I didn't think very much of it because it talked mainly about the indifference of a community.

But, one of our bible study members discussed about the cruel power that indifference has on relationships, and the effect it had on them.  Are we guilty of indifference to our children, spouses, and other loved ones?  What kind of damage does that do to the ones we love?  I know that I am guilty of it.  Both in regards to my wife and children. 

I thank God for our bible study.  A Small Christian Community that helps to really understand our Lord's Word and how it applies to our daily lives. 

Without this tidbit of perspective concerning indifference, I would not have realized what potential damage I could be causing in my relationships.  Fortunately, armed with this info, I can do what I can to seek forgiveness, rectify the damage and work on improving my actions (or lack thereof).

Please look at your relationships and actions and see if your indifference is causing problems.  It may help you to put a better spin on this year's Valentine's Day.

Blessings

Tim